7 Relationship Killers to Steer Clear Of

Sad african american woman leaning on hand thoughtfully looking in camera with asian man using cellphonr on background. Young international couple in quarrel spending time on kitchen at home

All relationships have issues, but sometimes they are too big to ignore.

There is an old Russian fable about a scorpion that wants to cross a river. The scorpion can’t swim, so he asks a frog to give him a ride. The frog is nervous, afraid the scorpion might sting him as they cross. The scorpion argues that if he were to sting him, then they’d both drown–so obviously he would never do such a thing. The frog accepts the reasoning, lets the scorpion hop on his back, and the pair set off across the river. Midway, the scorpion stings the frog and they both begin to drown. Totally confused, the dying frog asks the scorpion why it stung him, knowing that by doing so he would surely die as well. The scorpion’s reply? “I couldn’t help it. It’s in my nature.”

Don’t miss a beat! Click HERE to become a BELLA Insider!

It’s one thing to start a relationship with somebody and suffer your way through a few bad habits or weird personality traits, but quite another to invite a metaphorical scorpion into your life and think they are not going to sting you. Certain habits and practices are relationship deal-breakers, or at least they should be. Think I’m wrong? Have a read and decide for yourself.

1 The Cheater

IS IT REAL?

Do you know 100% for certain that this person is cheating on you with another? Assuming you have done the work and made the (icky) discoveries, you now know for sure that it is real. And if the relationship matters to you, this is the worst news ever. No one likes to be somebody’s fool, and that is exactly what this feels like.

WHAT IT SHOWS

Cheating on someone you are supposed to care about is no small thing. It requires the ability to shut off (or ignore) common morals, personal empathy, and even genuine, human concern for another person.

WHAT TO DO?

Either cheating is acceptable to you, or it isn’t. If not, and they refuse to stop, then there cannot be a relationship. Anyone truly unable (or unwilling) to choose you above all others is not worthy of your time or effort.

2 The Thief

IS IT REAL?

This cannot be about someone eating the last piece of cold pizza you were saving, or who always grabs the best spot on the couch. We are talking about real larceny—like stealing your credit card and transferring money out of your personal accounts. Or maybe someone who takes your stuff, sells it, and keeps the cash. Yes, we mean real, bonafide criminal acts.

WHAT IT SHOWS

When someone engages in objectively illegal behavior, that’s bad enough. When it’s someone you are intimate with, and they are doing it literally to you–well, that’s even worse. Stealing from strangers leads to enough issues for you and your family. Stealing from you is far, far worse.

WHAT TO DO

Another no-brainer here…stealing doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It will always come back on you somehow. If they will not stop stealing, even when the cost is the loss of you, then their decision—and yours—has already been made. They’ve already stolen too much of your time already.

3 The Liar

IS IT REAL?

First off, periodic white lies do not count. We are talking large scale, frighteningly elaborate lies whose only function is to confuse, conceal, or confound any legitimate search for the truth.

WHAT IT SHOWS

Lying is one of those things that absolutely becomes a habit the more one does it. And habitual liars make the sharing of trust impossible. Having an inability to face truth, especially as it relates to someone you love, is a guarantee of relationship strife.

WHAT TO DO

Seek the truth and when you find it, hold on with both hands. If they will not—or cannot—agree to living without lies, then your decision is clear. They must go. Truth is the cornerstone of any strong relationship. Remove it, and everything of value collapses.

4 The Manipulator

IS IT REAL?

In some ways, this is a combination of many things. These people mix lies and half-truths with emotion, and blur clarity with obfuscation. They will gaslight you on things you know to be true and use their influence to make you question reality. The net result usually sees you lost, confused, and helpless without them to lead you forward.

WHAT IT SHOWS

More than anything, a lack of trust. Any person committed to manipulating another does not see them as an equal and prefers relating to them in a state of perpetual helplessness. This is both demeaning and sad.

WHAT TO DO

Shake yourself out of the fog they have created and start nailing down some facts. Get a proper sense of yourself and the relationship you want. Then, present it to them. If they cannot accept you as a full partner, then they never will. And it’s better to know this sooner than later.

5 The Wimp

IS IT REAL?

Always passive, looking endlessly for the path of least resistance, they never stand up for anything or anyone—including you. Their daily mantra is one of avoidance and evasion, side-stepping confrontation at all costs.

WHAT IT SHOWS

Fear, for one. But also laziness, mixed with a significant lack of confidence. A spine that resembles a wet noodle indicates someone more interested in the whims and winds of others than their own beliefs of right and wrong.

WHAT TO DO

If this is something you can help, then you must. But if they are fully committed to a passive, accept-all-things-bend-at-all-costs approach to life, you will very quickly find yourself alone when trouble hits. Relationships are not for the faint of heart—ever. You need a warrior. And if they are not willing to start fighting, you need to cut them from the team. NOW!

6 The Hitter

IS IT REAL?

There is no denying this one. Anyone who raises their hand to strike another is committing the most serious and damaging act a relationship can face. There is no reason—ever—for physical violence. And you know when it is happening.

WHAT IT SHOWS

Physical violence can indicate many different things. It can suggest a lack of self-esteem, an inferiority complex, deep immaturity, fear, frustration, anger, and more. What it never suggests is a healthy, loving relationship.

WHAT TO DO

Zero tolerance is the only course of action. Mistakes happen, but anything over “one” is officially a pattern that does not end well. The only way this continues is if you allow it to. It must stop, and if that means you have to go, then go you must.

7 The Backstabber

IS IT REAL?

Everyone knows the feeling. That sting of humiliation when you trusted someone to have your back and they absolutely did not. It leaves you shaken and fearful, unsure of what to do next. You’re also haunted by the worry that your faith was badly misplaced.

WHAT IT SHOWS

Somehow this person can find reasons to choose others–even strangers—over you. They are willing to leave you exposed and unprotected, going against one of the larger reasons to even have a relationship in the first place.

WHAT TO DO

Assuming this was not some one-off, unforeseen occurrence but a pattern of behavior, you need to act. Disloyalty is a sign of many things, and none of them are good. When they choose to stab you in the back, it is only because they are a coward. And what could be worse than being in a relationship with a coward? Show them the door and be sure to follow them out (if only to make sure they get gone).

LIVE YOUR MOST BELLA LIFE!

BELLA Magazine is a national subscription- and newsstand-based lifestyle publication offering a curated guide to fashion, beauty, health, philanthropy, arts and culture, cuisine, celebrities, and entertainment.

At BELLA, we spotlight the ideal that Life Is BEAUTIFUL!

Don’t miss a beat! Subscribe + #follow @bellamag.co!

Written By
More from BELLA Magazine

The Beauty of Giving Back: Mama Glow

Mothers have a natural tendency to connect to other mothers as they...
Read More

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.