By Sarah Vie
The rousing mantra of, “Be the change, change your world”, have been words that are not always easy to practice. Despite our best intentions, we may find ourselves being reactive, fearful and short tempered. Why does this happen when we have all the best intentions? Often, it is because we are playing out unresolved issues of unhealed pain and trauma. Neuroscience has even proven that as children, we can hold onto 3 generations of ancestral trauma in our DNA. This means that even if we make a point to practice conscious parenting, our past can transfer to our children.
One of my clients, Karen, was raised in a strict family that honored achievement and scholastic excellence. When she wrote her father a birthday card, he’d get out a red pen and highlight the grammatical errors. After college, she met her husband and vowed when she started a family, she would create an unconditionally loving environment where her children felt honored and cherished, making who they are more important than what they achieve. She didn’t pressure her daughters academically and praised their inner attributes. Inside, she was plagued thinking she wasn’t doing enough and harshly judged herself when she was short tempered or impatient with them. Her oldest daughter’s teacher called one day and said that her daughter had begun hitting herself in the face when she received a B on a quiz. Karen tried to comfort her daughter who was still distraught when she returned home. “I’m stupid, stupid, stupid,” she repeated. Karen was horrified. She’d put no pressure on her daughter to be perfect or perform at school and yet, her daughter felt exactly as Karen felt growing up, stupid. A counselor at the school suggested Karen work with a coach to heal her own perfectionism. I reminded her what I teach all my clients. “Parents who judge themselves harshly, have children who judge themselves harshly. To help your daughter, you must first heal yourself.”
So how do we break these negative conditioned patterns? Below are my top 3 practices I have used with my own clients to help heal and clear negative wounds. These wounds can be shifted with consistency and accountability, to expedite the process.
- Reparenting your inner child– Even as adults, it’s not too late to heal the child within us. We can “parent “ the child now, giving her all the things we needed when we were young. If we received a lot of criticism growing up, we can give ourselves compassion and kindness. If we were not given attention and time, devote an hour a week to yourself alone- relaxing in nature or coloring or making and eating food that we absolutely adore. One of the most effective ways to “reparent” is to create more joy in our everyday life. Make yourself a joy list and do one thing on that list every day.
- Bring in your Inner Golden light– In my new children’s book, Let Your Inner Golden Sparkle Shine, I teach children and their parents to experience their inner wholeness and perfection. Imagine a golden light showering you from high above your head. Stand in the center of the light and let it wash away that old pain, judgement, and fear. Breathe this light in and out for up to five minutes or until you feel peaceful and grounded.
- Get curious and reframe– Is there a memory that still haunts us and creates pain in our body when we think about it? When we can recognize “the charge”, we then can listen to the story that we have created around it and write a new one. If you tell yourself you’re broken or damaged because of a trauma you suffered, try writing a new story where that experience made you resilient or heroic. Try writing it as a fairy tale where YOU are the hero.
Transformation takes time and commitment but can positively affect your family and future generations the minute you begin. Try out a new ritual with your child tonight at bedtime. Once he or she is tucked in, call in the inner golden light and share five things you appreciate about each other, followed by a big hug. Then watch the magic unfold.
Sarah Vie: Energy Healer, Meditation Guide, Emotional Healing Master Coach, Author
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